Closure - It's Not Finished Until Everything's Put Away

"Winning isn't always finishing first. Sometimes winning is just finishing."  - Manuel Diotte

I am reminded of the value of bringing projects, tasks, and activities to an end...of finding closure. (My friend Rosa, at Talking Story, has dedicated the month of October to this topic and to bringing some personal projects to a close.  Read about it here.)

I have been impressed with the recent emphasis in Getting Things Done to get all of the things that we have to do out of our minds and on to paper.  But, the most effective people not only find a way to get their to-do's off their mind...but also off their plate.

One of the things that I teach the student leaders that I work with in regards to closure, completion, consider-it-done is this:

It's not over until everything's put away.

Does that statement remind you of something a parent might say?  I can recall that my parent's gave me the wonderful responsibility of cleaning my room (you too?).  My space, my responsibility.  They would remind me on occasion that I wasn't meeting my responsibility and I would go into my room and cram everything into my closet, or under my bed, or simply stack everything neatly in a corner.  But I hadn't really cleaned my room, I had merely re-arranged my responsibility.  In other words, I wasn't done.

Of course, this is about more than simply cleaning up after we make a mess.  How often have we...

• Sent an email because we were frustrated, thinking that we have now let the person know how we feel, but not truly confronting the issue and entering into dialogue with them.  There's a difference between talking at someone and talking with someone.
• Borrowed something from someone and not returned it in a timely fashion, forcing them to have to keep asking for it back.
• Kept a project sitting on your desk, knowing that you'll get to it at some point.
• Continually delaying a decision that affects those around you.

As I read that last point, I am reminded that my inability to finish things not only affects me, but those around me - either directly or indirectly.  I often wonder if I don't finish things because I hope that they'll go away or that someone else will finish the work for me.   But I've discovered that if I wait, then people find me unreliable.  If someone else steps in and does my work for me, then people find me irresponsible.

So what needs to be properly put away in your own life?  Is there clutter that needs to be cleaned up?  Are there unresolved conflicts that need to be cleared up?  Is there work that needs to be caught up?  (I'm running out of "c" words so I'll stop here!).

Comments

[Jeannette]

I also like the phrase, rearranging my responsiblity. I sometimes find myself doing this when it involves needing to confront someone else. I will eventually get to it but it takes a build-up of anxiety to give me a push.

I've recently started with "Getting Things Done" and I think applying the paper process has helped me in this area. If I know I need to have a discussion with someone that may be confrontational I put my reasons and the facts as I see them on paper and then re-evaulate. Having those things on paper reduces my anxiety and allows me to move forward.

[tim]

Bill - that is a great question. I think that I often justify not doing something because I don't realize the effort that it takes to "rearrange my responsibility" is greater than actually doing it.

Isn't funny how much harder we often make life?!

[Bill A]

I remember a phrase I heard from someone on this topic in a seminar that really stuck with me. He talked about these undone things as "taking up mental space." Whether it's a task or project that needs to get done, a person we need to communicate with, an issue we need to resolve, until it gets done it takes up mental space. Even if it's in the back of my mind, it's still taking up mental space that causes extra stress, anxiety or frustration. Things we could with less of!

Then the speaker asked a question, "What takes more effort -- the stress and anxiety of continuously shuffling, or the short time it takes to just do it?"

[tim]

Rosa...I think that's good advice. I remember Stephen Wright making the statement: You can't have everything...where would you put it? It's good to think about choossing those things that we know we'll be able to finish.

Kathy...I use that phrase with my own kids (they're so much like me) when it comes to cleaning their own rooms. Sometimes we don't get the things done that need to get done, we just move the piles from one spot to another and call it a day.

[Kathy]

I love the phrase, "rearranging my responsibility." I will need to ponder that one for awhile.

[Rosa Say]

Good thoughts for us all Tim. Thank you so much for the trackback, for reading your encouragement and gentle "be honest with yourself" reminders here helps me in these final days of October with those projects I'm seeking to bring to sweet closure myself!

Continuing with your theme, I remember my own parents trying to stifle the materialism I was prone to falling into during my teenage years, with a similar kind of parenting. Whenever I wanted to buy something new, they'd ask where in both my room and my life I'd have the space and attention to fully take it on. There is such a wealth of new and exciting projects out there I'd love to sink my teeth into, but bringing what's already on my plate to sweet closure keeps me sane - and reasonable.