Why would you want to add value to people?
We're busy, we've got to take care of #1. There are just not enough hours in the day to worry about the needs of someone else when I've got a whole list of my own needs.
Those are all valid and understandable reasons (excuses?!?) for not adding value to someone else. But they won't help you in the long run because the Adding Value Paradox (AVP) is at work all around us.
The AVP is simply this: If you take the time to care for the needs of others than you'll discover that your needs will be taken care of.
Or as Zig Ziglar said, "Help enough other people get what they want and you'll get what you want."
That's one of the reasons why adding value to people is so crucial. Because it actually adds value to YOU.
Here's the next 25...
26. Many people are well-equipped to point out problems. Help identify
solutions for others who can't seem to work through their difficulties.
Don't put up with complainers by joining in. Whenever someone comes to me with a problem, I ask them what solutions they have considered. By doing this, I force them to think strategically about the problem. Sometimes another person already knows what should be done, they just need confirmation. But if a person hasn't considered any solutions, I don't want to do all the thinking for them. When another person approaches you with a problem, ask them what solutions they've thought of. If they haven't thought of any, you might want to guide them through a problem-solving exercise on this occasion. Then encourage them to do it on their own before they approach you with a problem the next time.
27. Delegate tasks to other people in the area of their strengths. Follow-up on their progress and praise them for a job well done.
People like to do things they are good at. As a leader, I was sometimes timid to delegate tasks in areas where I was weak and didn't necessarily enjoy the work. I thought to myself, "There's no way someone else will want to do this." But how wrong I was. For example, I don't like to work with money or finances, but that's an important part of my job. I delegated the majority of the financial work to someone else who was really good at crunching the numbers. This person actually likes doing this kind of thing and is good at it and...even has fun with it.
28. Always bring something to the table - whether it's resources, ideas, or opportunities.
Bring a book, an article, even a good quote. Sometimes it is extra special when you combine your presence with some presents. When you give someone something that will help them grow personally, it tangibly communicates your desire to invest in that person.
29. Share your knowledge with others. Don't keep your best ideas and strategies all to yourself.
People used to assume that knowledge was power. If I knew more than you, then I had some type of power over you. But I don't want to have power over you, I want to add value to you. So I share my best stuff. I give it away. When I discover something (a new tool, a new strategy, a new idea), I pass it on. This is the whole premise of Web 2.0. Make it free. If you pass it on to others and it's good stuff you'll discover a whole new kind of power - the power of appreciation.
30. Help other people fill in the gaps in their lives.
Everyone has gaps in their lives. It may be in the area of balance, motivation, priorities, or personal accomplishment. Sometimes a person needs a coach, a mentor, an encourager who will come alongside and help him or her focus on the type of change they need to make. This is not only true in personal growth, but relationally as well. There are many students who lack a significant adult in their lives. They need people who will believe in them and encourage them to reach their potential.
31. Let other people know that you a) care about them; b) trust them; c) believe in them.
I've been coaching Little League teams for the last seven years. I enter into each season with two goals: 1) My players improve as players and as a team from the beginning to the end, 2) My players enjoy the game of baseball more at the end of the season than at the beginning. These two goals only come about as my players understand that baseball is about more than just winning. My players listen and respond to my coaching when it comes from a foundation of care, trust, and belief in them beyond their abilities.
32. Make somebody laugh. Make them laugh at themselves and you'll help them not to take life so seriously.
People feel at ease when they're laughing. Don't make them laugh at someone else's expense. It's okay to allow them to laugh at your expense. It helps them to see that you don't take yourself so seriously.
33. Develop areas of common ground.
When you develop common ground with people, it establishes a sense of focus and security. When people engage in conversation with strangers, they will work hard to find common ground between them. One person may ask, "Where are you from?" To which the other person responds, "I was raised in Seattle." Typically, the person will then respond with something like, "Oh, I have an aunt who lives in Seattle" or "I love the Seattle Seahawks." People attempt to find common areas because it makes the conversation more comfortable and establishes connections between people.
When Kerry met a southern-accented young man at a Christmas party, the first question she asked him was, "You are not from around Los Angeles are you?" Ha ha ha.
Turns out her soon to be spouse lived two blocks from her aunt in Kansas! The all night conversation was sparked by a simple question! 13 years, and two children later, Kerry and Byron still say that his endearing southern drawl and her friendly nature brought them together!
34. Be honest with people. Help them see things from multiple perspectives.
In most situations, honest answers will benefit another person more than dishonest answers. But be careful. Whenever a girl asks, "Do these jeans make me look fat?" - the correct answer is always "no." But whenever you tell people ONLY what they want to here, you're not adding value to them. You're keeping their fantasy world alive...which, in the case of the ill-fitting jeans...isn't such a bad thing.
My best friend will start a sentence with, "well, if I can be honest with you..." She knows that the truth may be difficult for me to hear, so it is like she is going out of "friendly-mode" and into "honesty-mode". I did tell you that she is my BEST friend, right? Her status as my number one friend is mostly because she is HONEST with me! Do not surround yourself with "yes" people; take a lesson from the "celebrities" and their out of control lives! People who agree with you all of the time do no have your best interest at heart All of us need friends that tell us the truth and offer sound perspectives!
35. If you are vulnerable about your own weaknesses and shortcomings, you will empower people to be more honest about their own.
As a mom I can tell you that nothing has ever humbled me as much as being a parent! When I was a teacher I could go to staff meetings or even just the teacher's lounge on recess to bond with other teachers dealing with similar student issues. But as a first time mom I felt very isolated and alone. When my son was three months old I visited our priest for the baptism consultation and he told me that having a support group such s MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) is vital to healthy mothering. Turns out that there were MOPS groups in every church throughout our town! When a mom goes to MOPS they learn from other mom who have "been there and done that" in a casual and safe environment for both the mom and the baby. MOPS is a wonderful resource for the most vulnerable stage in a woman's life. For all of you moms to be, be sure to check out MOPS and if you know someone who is home with a baby all day let them know about this great organization!
36. Leave early for a meeting or appointment so that you have time to talk informally with people and engage them on a more personal level.
Want to get the real scoop on a meeting? Get to the venue early and offer to help set-up! I used to get to all the student council meetings early as a freshman, sophomore and junior class man; I would help set-up by passing out agendas and sharpen the pencils, all the while listening to and learning from the upper class man as they debated over the new business topics, etc. By the time that I was a senior, I felt very qualified to be head of the student council.There is something to be said for putting in your time!
37. Build space into your schedule that is dedicated to adding value to people.
There has been marital advice handed down to me from my dad: "don't nag your husband, just be supportive." Sounded a bit 1960's to me at first, but now after 13 years of being a wife...well, I think I get what he meant! Don't we all do better with encouragement? In the spirit of building people up, try making an effort to take a couple minutes everyday to reach out to someone in a positive and supporting way. On your break place a sticky note with an upbeat message on a co worker's coffee cup or send a text message that says,"you can do it" to a spouse that keeps forgetting to take out the trash! This could work wonders for your special recipients' morale!
38. Don't view people as they are but as who they have the potential to become. Do your best to draw the very best out of people.
Teachers and Business Managers have to do this everyday, don't they? That is why good teachers call themselves, "facilitators of learning". If you look at yourself as a facilitator of valuing others, you cannot help but to draw the best out of people. Toss the proverbial softball to someone who you know needs to hit one out of the park! Help someone get back into the game by stoking their flame, not by intimidating them! It is great to be on a team with people who recognize the need to be respected for the person they are striving to become! I had a boss/trainer once that never beat us up about mistakes that we made at work; he would just outline the issue, suggest the solution for the future action and end the brief meeting with, "Now get back to work, My Champions! (Because of his understanding approach he is my favorite boss to this day!)
39. Catch somebody doing something right and praise them for it in front of others whom you'd like to see exhibit similar behavior.
This is such a great piece of advice for all of us; whether we are teachers, managers, or moms and dads! There was a term that was big when I was doing my student teaching in East Los Angeles: Behavior Modification. Because in the inner-city we were dealing with a lot more than the three r's in the classroom,we had to find a way to reach our students in a positive and affirming way. Our detention halls were filled daily and our truancy rate was astronomical! What really helped in turning our students around was the Positive Reinforcement we gave them when we "caught them being good" At weekly assemblies we would honor 10 students per grade that were being acknowledged for doing the right thing during the course of the week. A pizza party for the 40 honorees would follow the assembly! How can you celebrate someone's value by putting them on a pedestal for a job well done?
40. Encourage someone who seems disappointed or discouraged (through a card, a hug, or just by being there with them).
Can you remember a time when you were really disappointed? We are going through it right now with my son, as my husband is on a 9 day business trip and he misses his dad. I told my husband that it would help Danny a lot if he could email him while he was away! This is working out great....don't you love the many ways a computer can bring us joy?! Danny feels validated by his dad because he is being understood and creatively involved in his trip! We are getting pictures from my husband of his hotel room and of the tractors on the fields that he is driving by...all very interesting to a 4 year old! We are all little kids inside, we still get disappointed when there is a big change that no one consulted us about! Be a friend to someone that you know is having a hard time. An email, a card or even a flower from your garden can brighten someone's outlook and they will remember that you were there when the going got tough!
41. Help people find their niche - the place where they can add the most value to others.
A niche is a place where people feel a sense of belonging. It is a place where people feel they can make their greatest contribution. I can remember being selected to serve on long-standing committee. The people on this committee had been together for a number of years and I felt like I was on the outside looking in for the first few meetings. Near the end of one meeting, the group was trying to figure out how to put together some publicity for an upcoming project. I finally spoke up, "I would be willing to create that." None of them had any expertise in that area and were more than willing to let me run with it. I created a small marketing campaign for the project, complete with posters, flyers, postcards, and web elements. After that, I became the go-to person in that area. I also established my credibility and demonstrated my value to the group.
42. Model the right kind of behavior for others and they will have a proper example to follow. People do what people see.
Some people are book learners. They can read about how to do something in a book and then turn around and perform it. Most people are visual learners. They need to be shown how something is done and then they can imitate it until they learn how to do it on their own. If you want people to be cheerful, be cheerful. If you want people to be on time, be on time. When I'm coaching Little League, I will model the proper footwork or glove work and then ask my players to do it. I'll also find a player who's doing it right and tell the other players to watch him.
43. Respond to people in a proper time frame. Call them back within 24 hours. Return an email within 48 hours. If you miss an appointment, meeting or special occasion - respond as soon as possible.
I know what it's like to continually leave a message for someone and not have them get back to me. I don't feel that I'm very important to that person. Of course, it depends on the type of relationship you have with someone. But I try to get back to people within a reasonable period of time. Even if I can't take the time necessary for a full response, a partial response stating when I'll be able to provide my full attention is better than nothing. There will always be exceptions, but figure out what your routine will be. Then occasionally surprise someone by responding immediately or more quickly than anticipated.
44. Write a letter of recommendation for someone.
Whenever I write a letter of recommendation for someone, I like to have them read it (if it's a good recommendation...if it's a bad recommendation, I make them read it...ha!). Some companies will want you to keep it confidential but I believe it's a substantial way of adding value to someone to actually read how much you believe in them.
45. Invite people to be a part of a cause that is greater than something they could do on their own.
I recently saw a documentary called, Invisible Children. It shows the terrible plight of children in Uganda who are being kidnapped and forced into child soldiering. It is horrifying. I have jumped on board with a couple of organizations that are lobbying and fighting to bring about change. I feel like I have been given so much and there's so much I can do for others.
46. Buy a magazine or journal subscription for someone in an area that they're passionate about.
A friend bought me a subscription to Fast Company magazine. Now, once a month, I receive a great magazine and his investment adds a little bit to my life. Every month when I receive the magazine in the mail, I'm reminded of his contribution to me. It is a gift that keeps on giving.
47. Show a person respect and they will be more inclined to show you the same respect. If you have done something hurtful to another in front of others, then apologize to them in front of others.
Respect must be earned. It is a special gift. Many points of tension and conflict arise when someone feels disrespected. Often people feel disrespected because someone judges them before they even have a chance to get to know them. Begin with respect in the way you approach people.
48. Find ways to give people perks for a job well done. Don't treat everyone the same.
I remember one year it came time to receive a bonus because of an unexpected surplus. The organization I was working for wanted to reward the employees. When they passed out the bonuses, they gave each person the exact same amount. I can understand wanting to be fair, but the surplus came about as the result of a few people's hard work. In the end, there was part of me that didn't want the bonus because I didn't want to reward those who hadn't put in the long hours like some of us had. Being fair when you dish out rewards and bonuses doesn't have the motivational effect some people think it does.
49. Help people find a sense of belonging on your team.
This year, I drafted five new players for my Little League team. Seven players returned from last year. The new guys are wondering where they fit in. My returning players have already developed a language, have inside jokes, and feel comfortable around each other. One of my goals in these first few weeks is to create some shared experiences so that the new guys not only feel welcome, but feel a part.
50. Figure out a way that you can sacrifice something for the benefit of someone else.
It could be as simple as letting someone go in front of you. I will sometimes rush to the door of my favorite Starbucks in front of somebody else headed that way. I know what they're thinking..."that guy wants to get in front of me." Then I'll completely surprise them by standing there holding the door open for them. I'll say something like, "Welcome to Starbucks!" (and they don't even pay me for that!) Most times, people are so shocked that they'll start talking to me in line. Imagine that...a conversation with a complete stranger.
Don't miss out...numbers 51-75 tomorrow!
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